I smoke weed! This sentence holds weight in my life. Where I live, cannabis is not accepted as a valid form of medicine or recreational activity. Some of my friends and definitely much of my family still hold old ideas about marijuana, and knowing this makes it hard for me to talk about it much with them.
The reality is, I smoke marijuana every single day. I started smoking a couple years ago and found it really helped with my anxiety and chronic depression. I was taking medication for these ailments, but I realized I could help myself naturally instead of relying on these medications to help me feel “normal”.
The medication I was on was called Citalopram, a generic form of Celexa. I had been taking it for a while, and my symptoms were managed as much as I thought they could be. I thought I was as happy as was possible for me, even though I still felt the weight of my anxiety and depression every day.
My medicine came with an onslaught of side-effects, including insomnia, weight gain, worsening depression, and even suicidal thoughts at times. These symptoms came and went, tide-like, for the entirety of my time on the Citalopram. As soon as a symptom became unbearable, it would let up a little, and I would see a light at the end of the tunnel again. This sliver of hope for a happier me was actually what kept me on the medication. I thought all I had to do was keep taking it until the chemicals in my brain became level.
Trying cannabis to help ease my symptoms changed my life. I realized I could feel better without having to take the medication that was ultimately making my conditions worse. I didn’t have to worry about my body becoming completely reliant on synthetic chemicals in order to be okay.
I decided to stop taking my meds and continue to use cannabis to help treat the symptoms of my anxiety and depression. I did some research and found you have to sort of wean yourself off of the medication by taking smaller and smaller doses as time goes on. This is because your body becomes so addicted to the medicine, it can’t remember how to function normally without it. If you stop taking it altogether, you will experience withdrawals.
I cut back on my medicine and was completely off of it within a few months. I later learned this process is supposed to take much longer than a few months, but I was doing this without the help of a doctor, which I DO NOT recommend.
This brings up an issue for me about legality (which is very important to me now). I chose to get off my meds without consenting my doctor because I didn’t want to tell her I was smoking cannabis instead. If cannabis was legal on a federal scale, I would have had no problem discussing this with her. Because it is illegal, I got off my medication by myself. This is one of many reasons for legalizing cannabis- more people can be open with their doctors about using it. Doctors will be better informed about their patients and can provide better care.
Anyways, I got off the Citalopram and haven’t been on it since. I’ve had only a few anxiety attacks since then, and none of them have been very bad. I still have bad days; days were my depression feels like a weight on my shoulders that I can’t shake. But these days are few and far between.
I now look at the world in a different light. I’m grateful to be alive and express gratitude for even the smallest things in life. I’m so excited for my future now, whereas before I didn’t really even think about it because I had no desire to live it. My attitude is so much more positive, to the point that even my friends have noticed.
I don’t want to give all the credit to using cannabis instead of traditional medication, though I know a lot of my recovery wouldn’t have been possible without it. I fought my hardest to dig myself out of the deep, seemingly endless trenches of my anxiety and depression. I’m so proud of myself for coming this far and making it out alive.
Even though my anxiety and depression are still there, they don’t control me like they used to. I feel so much freedom in knowing my feelings are real, and not some chemicals making me feel a certain way. I trust my feelings and love myself so much more now. I want to take care of myself and pursue my dreams. Overcoming my anxiety and depression through the use of cannabis has changed my life, and I will not stop using it.
If you use cannabis as a medication for your anxiety or depression (or both), please reach out and let me know your story and how it’s working for you! Remember you can get out of any dark place you find yourself in. Stay positive, educated, and medicated (naturally, if possible).
I hope you’re having an amazing day or night!
xo, Lauren
Lauren's Lovely Life 