Him.

I’ve been thinking a lot about a post I read recently about a girl who was stabbed by her ex-boyfriend outside her gym. She suspected he was stalking her, and even told her friends this. And still, she was killed.

This makes me think about my past relationships, one in particular actually. I was a sophomore in high school and He was a senior. The relationship was so toxic, I’m thankful to be alive today.

I dated Him for a little over a year, and it was one of the worst years of my life. When He and I met, I was actually with someone else, but I was bored. We didn’t get to see each other often because we went to different schools. So it was like one of those long-distance high school relationships, and I was dying to get out of it.

I met Him through a mutual friend, and I broke up with my boyfriend at the time soon after that. I started to like Him right away and we started talking and hanging out without our mutuals.

I started falling pretty hard for Him in the following months. We were spending a lot of time together. I remember being in a dark place from the beginning with Him. We were both sad and fed off of each other’s sadness. We shared our deepest secrets with each other and it seemed like He had been through as much as I had. I found comfort in feeling understood.

The day we became official was July 4th, seems pretty cliché and boring, I know, but this day is actually one I will never forget. He and I were planning to go watch the fireworks show in a neighboring town. My mom asked us if we would pick my sister up from the town’s Fourth of July celebrations and bring her home before we left.

I felt bad for making Him go out of his way to pick up my sister and bring her home, so I suggested we drive my car. I didn’t have my regular driver’s license at the time, only a school permit, so He would still have to drive, but at least we would be using my gas. He agreed to take my car.

We picked my sister up from town and on our way back, we hit some loose gravel. The car started to fishtail, and He overcorrected. We started losing control and swerving all over the road. It felt like the world was passing in slow motion as He lost control, and the car flew into the ditch and flipped three times before finally landing on its top.

I remember hanging by my seatbelt with my arms and legs dangling in the air. I felt myself relax as I realized I was alive. That’s when I heard my sister screaming.